Stereotype Wisdom: Straight boys wear t-shirts under button-down shirts. Gay boys wear t-shirts over button-down shirts.

This weekend I made red velvet cupcakes.  They are delicious, if not pretty, and really, really red. When The Kid took a bite of one and asked:

What do you use to make them so red?

My response (without missing a beat, poor kid):

The blood of virgins. I got it from you last night while you were sleeping.

The Kid is channeling crazy people again....

This morning while we are headed out the door.

The Kid: Why are the cats running around.
Me: They are crazy.
The Kid: I wonder why.
Me: They hang out with you.
The Kid: Mean.
Me: What? You don't think you are a little crazy?
The Kid: I am a lemon.

I have no idea what he meant. I just sat there and looked at him. He is clearly crazy.

I've fallen off the wagon...the blog writing wagon.

I'm sorry. I think all my creative brain ooze has been shoveled into school lately that the idea of doing anything else just hurts. I even tried to write a note to my parents the other day, while I was at their house and it was two incoherent sentences.

I will get back on the wagon. Sorry for the short interruption in services.

First, sorry! I hadn't realized that Twitter is taking over my blog.  I noticed it the other day and ended the link between them.  It was cool when there was only a few of them. But it is surprising overwhelming and that is annoying.

Sorry.

So, I've decided from now on if I do anything that I feel is exceptionally funny on Twitter I will manually repost it. Or give not, I might get bored of it soon.

If you have a Twitter and we aren't friends, send me a follow. I will follow you back.

Otherwise, sorry and it won't happen again.

Love,
Jillzey

In one of my classes, there is a girl with a dog.  She has the dog with her everyday.  It is small and mostly quiet. Not too big of a deal but strange.  The girl (don’t know her name) said it is a Seeing Eye dog in training. No one in the class believed that because she allows him to roam around class, is undisciplined and wears “cute” little outfits. So, clearly this is not true.  This dog is cute but not a Seeing Eye dog.

Through the grapevine I found out the dog has been prescribed by a doctor for anxiety.  Here is what I don’t understand:

Why is having another creative that you are responsible for caring for supposed to relieve anxiety?  Parental responsibility doesn’t lower my anxiety levels. Does it for anyone? Playing with my niece and nephew does because I get to play with them and then send them back to their parents.

These made me giggle.

How To Tick People Off

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

A few minutes ago...

The Kid: Are you an Optimist or Pessimist. 
Me: A little of both.
The Kid: No, I mean do you see the glass as half empty or full.
Me: Depends on what is in it.
The Kid: (scowl)
Me: If it is water it is half full.  If it is whiskey it is half empty because I'm sad that it is half gone but still kind of happy because I just drank half of it.

After a few minutes...

The Kid: I think it is half empty.
Me: Because you are lazy and don't want to get up to refill it?

He is apparently don't asking my advice for now.

A unicorn (from Latin unus 'one' and cornu 'horn') is believed to be a mythological creature. This is an incorrect assumption.  They are real creatures that lurk about in forests and mountain areas.  They are cunning hiders.  When spotted they appear to be graceful and angelic creatures.  This is a deceptive mechanism to fool onlookers.

Though the modern popular image of the unicorn is sometimes that of a horse differing only in the horn on its forehead, the traditional unicorn also has a billy-goat beard, a lion's tail, and cloven hooves—these distinguish it from a horse.

The unicorn is said to be a benevolent creature with healing powers.  This is false advertising because unicorns are really vile, wretched creatures that live only to suck the life force out of small children and make them fall into a permanent dream state.

These creatures are a menace that has been held in check for thousands of years by a secret hunting society called the H.A.U.N.T. (Hunters Against Unicorn Natural Tendencies).  Only women are allowed into this secret hunting society because it takes brains and grace to capture these creatures.  Men have been found to be too clumsy and dim to capture unicorns.